Wednesday, June 10, 2009

That ain't no word

Anyone can just slap some words down on a template and call it a blog, but it's those people who remain topical and in tune with current events that leave people wanting more.

So you folks heard about this O.J. thing?

Speaking of O.J., a language monitoring site this morning indicated that the one-millionth word was added to the English language That word was.......drumroll please, "Web 2.0."

I know what you're thinking: that's awesome. But I have news for you: it's not. How is that a word? It's a sequel. What was 1,000,001? Shrek 3? (It was actually 'jai ho' which is a song, and that was followed closely by 'slumdog' which clearly is derived from Slumdog Millionare. That's where we're pulling words these days? Blockbuster? Was 'Pootie Tang' in consideration?)

Basically, what this all boils down to is that Scrabble is royally screwed. There are no periods or numbers. Sure, there are blank pieces, but those are being used already to spell 'weiner' and 'fart' in the later stages.

Hasbro has a problem on its hands, one that will not be easily solved. And if they indeed begin to incorporate both characters into the game, we run into another problem. If I play 'Web 2.0', two things happen. One, I get double word score and 17 points. Two, I am awarded 12 nerd points. Nobody wins.

The fact is, there is no way to know what is a word and what isn't. Is great-great-great-great grandmother one word? Should be. Is 'bear' one word or two? It means an animal and can be used directionally, like "bear right." I have no idea.

Even more to my dismay is the use of these words. 'Web 2.0' was chosen because, "in the last 6 months, it was more commonly used" outside Star Trek conventions. But it's never going to make it into normal conversation. Why not use something that will? What about 'pssshhhh' as the one-millionth word? Who doesn't use that word? "Wait, what? You saying Ray Ray slept with Shontell? Pssshhhh. You crazy."

You know what the most used word is in the English language? The.

'Web 2.0' can't touch that. (Sidenote: 'he' is ranked No. 11. 'She' is ranked No. 50, proving once again that men are better than women. Thank you, English language.)

Hopefully the English language - in which I hold my degree and love it dearly - will reconsider the one-millionth word. And if it does, I would like to nominate a word from Urban Dictionary (which, sadly enough, added its four-millionth word last week). That word is 'Alt-Tabbin,' which is the act of quickly switching the current application to something work appropriate when the boss walks in.

Can you use it in a sentence?

"My boss almost caught me looking at porn. Good thing I was Alt-Tabbin."

I think we've all done a little Alt-Tabbin in our day. It's time the English language did the same.