A Lesson in Great Voicemails

Woke up this morning to history. Looked at my phone and saw a text message from Chris, my little brother who is entering his final year of graduate school at Virginia Commonwealth.

"Everything hurts"

Saw I had voicemail as well. What follows is a series of voicemails from Chris, as I received them, and a recollection of the first time I ever cried laughing listening to messages. One thing to keep in mind is that Chris and I are in a pay fantasy baseball league that keeps scoring on a weekly head-to-head basis. For example, if I go 6-5 on an opponent for a week, I win that week. Currently, I'm in first place and he is in third.

12:28 a.m.: Hey, I got an awful message. Ahhhhh, hey, my name's Jason Michael. Leave a message. I'm eating honey- roasted peanuts out back. Adam Wainwright..making me call everybody in my phone book saying, uhhhhhhh, hmmm, it will feel a lot better when, capitalization, W-H-E-N, WHEN we win a World Series. Damn. Damn. I gots to look up on my phone and say 'Adam Wainright is shutting out just another opponent?' You say, uh, we're going to win another World Series. Say something. Say something. I got to go. People are calling me...........Dan Bettlach. YaYa. I'll see ya.

12:50 a.m.: Yeah, I didn't think so. Not going to lie to you, I don't know if I already called you already or not, but....... Shit is ooooon..........................now that I think about it, I already called you. Hang in there. You'll get yourself a championship. Just keep waiting. Keep on hanging on..KEEP on keeping on..................Hang on.

1:11 a.m.: Alright, 3rd message. But.....you know what, I said, "If Jason's going to go 11-1 on a motha fucker, I gots to go 10-2. Look at this. Runs. Homers. Ribbys. I mean, I'm blowing out him. I might be....no, he's not out. Yeah, I'm talking while I'm looking. One.....two...three...four, no he's still in it...two, four, six.....Vick's Second Chance is out. See ya. I mean, guy's been talking all kinds of shit. Half of these guys aren't even over .500. Yeah......there you have it.